To be quite blunt, the idea started with some of my own mental issues. Initially, I thought that this inspired creation would heal me in the process. However, through in-depth conversations with a few friends, I realized that mental health problems are, in fact, common for people in today's environment, especially young people. I gradually felt that it was not just me and became more determined to do it, hoping to appeal to more people in this way.
I have always been ashamed to talk about this mental aspect of myself, afraid of showing my negative energy or making people think I am too sensitive. But it is real, and it has had a very negative effect on me. I don't know if you can relate to this, but many negative emotions come one after another, and when they build up to a terrible level, they can push people to the brink of despair and give rise to even more negative thoughts. One of my worst experiences was when my head went blank and buzzed, and it was as if my body was about to lose its mind and be overtaken by horrible thoughts. I often imagined that these negative emotions were a monster inside me, eating and tearing away at all the good parts of me, and trying to take over my body and eventually represent me.
It is present in each of us, but it is not actually the enemy because we cannot really destroy it; it is part of us. Its image is an abstract representation of our present state of mind, and we fear it because we are deep in pain and anguish. But once you get over that, you will find that it is not actually scary, and you will not let it manipulate you anymore. You will accept that it is there and live in harmony with it. Although I have not been able to do that even now, I believe that at least being aware of it and thinking about facing it is a big change.
I have been thinking about how to integrate Buddhist philosophy into my artwork, but it is difficult to find many suitable examples for me to refer to, or perhaps my research methods were not good. The reality is that many artists who use Buddhist thinking for their subject matter, I think, are only doing it superficially, perhaps just trying to use the religious elements of Buddhism to make their work seem mystical. Of course, I'm not sure I'm capable of doing better than that because the philosophy of Buddhism is so vast that, even though I'm a Buddhist, I can only say I understand one or two percent of it. Finding the right direction to use these ideas in my work was something I had to think about, and as a work of art, I also had to consider the time it would take to complete and whether the technical complexity of the work would allow me to visualize all these ideas. But this work is the second time I have fused my own identity and subject matter into one work. I will continue to experiment with this kind of work in the future..